Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.
― Dylan Thomas
In honor of D – October 12, 2013
Some say you don’t know what you have until its gone. The real truth? You knew what you had – you just didn’t think you would ever lose it. It’s not like there wasn’t an undertone or overture of warning. But all my good intentions blown like fine dust caught in a gale, strewn about by the winds, rendered worthless, are no longer negotiable.
A heart fails. In a flash – in a moment. No going back. No rewrite, no way to add or delete. No way to change the outcome. It stays as written. I have finally learned my lesson from a master – one whose intimacy with tolerance, patience, and love remained steadfast. Many years ago, in a haze of immaturity I failed this lesson. A funnel of bliss, then a few fallen limbs and bits of storm debris lay along the path. An unexpected shift in the wind – a torrential downpour – postponements, rescheduling. Lulled by a familiar pattern of familiarity, I didn’t account for differing perceptions, expectations, feelings, and needs. Now in this final version, I can only do what I like with it in my heart and in my memories.
…love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
– Kahlil Gibran
I can linger, long for, and savor. I can accelerate and punctuate. I can distill. I can synthesize or even fantasize. But I can never alter or diffuse the intensity of any moment, or any scene.
This story is filled with gaps and missing pieces. It embraces over 4 decades, spans 2 continents, covers 5 countries, and logs 121,486 air miles in 24 months. It also involves 2 rings. A bookend tale – that contains a lot of empty space(s). Two years at the beginning on one continent – two years at the end, an ocean away. This is a true story.
A story of love and eternity.
Keep going with it.
Martha, as the author of this post, you have fulfilled many "jobs" and chief among them is to inspire and instruct. These are wise and beautiful words. In all of your posts I feel the call to pay attention to "new" things, but never so strongly as with this one. Thank you! (I'm still working on last months post – seeing the world in twelves!) – Kris H.
Martha,
It would have taken me 400 pages to describe this feeling of loss and regret, but you capture it so concisely. The honesty and insight goes right to the bone, and I for one know this territory well. It is not a journey anyone wants. But our paths do change and winds do blow and we are swept up into a choppy sea when a loved one is lost. You describe it better than anyone. Keep paddling. Peggy
Martha – I think this is probably the most poetic of your postings. It seems fitting that I am watching the rain outside my window while reading it. This was a profound loss for you, but it was also an incredible life experience. Even as you grieve you must treasure the love and adventures that you shared. When you think of him, think of those happy things. Not many people experience such a remarkable journey, and that is true for him as well as for you. Thank you for sharing this with us.
– Linda
Martha, your post is breathtaking. I read it many times and the allure of the language does not diminish. What happened is so sad, final and unexpected. We assume that the days and moments continue with an expected rhythm, some days beating slower and some faster. When that rhythm is forever and abruptly altered is when we start understanding and distilling though our emotions rather than our intellect. I am happy that you experienced a love so profound and freely given to you. You need to be strong, have no regrets for as you so beautifully said this is the final version and no longer negotiable. GItta
Martha you are indeed a writer and have described the incredible journey throughout your life with grace and honesty …. love is forever and never to be forgotten …. on every level ….. some say chance will make you stay forever or some may say we may meet again…. Your love met again and formed a full circle of love … of forever love – Patricia F
Lots of new words for me. I finally got them all. Definitely a hybrid! Hope you got my personal note via email.
Thanks for teaching, thanks for sharing, thanks for being.
Dear Martha, This is written so beautifully, you are a real writer and I revel in the fact that I am fortunate enough to have you as my teacher.
There are no words to adequately express the hollow gaping hole one feels when a loved one dies. No matter the experience, the pain or difficulties involved while loving them, you want it all back. You want to live and feel it again, you cry and long for a repeat but get only silence and a heavy heart. My heart is as heavy as yours.
Loosing a lover , loosing a brother, same thing.
The sadness for his loss equals the joy he gave, a sweet and fond memory stays.
We are fortunate Martha, a great lover and a great brother passed away and will forever stay.
Just gratitude, thank you Duco.
Kiss,
Jan Hein
I lost a great friend in November – I knew he was leading a life of sadness and self-destruction and I could see his body failing and knew he was dying – but it still is such a shock when he finally left us. We used to ride bikes together, in recent years, on the boardwalk between Newport and Huntington Piers mainly – as I ride on that same path now sometimes I hear the second set of wheels alongside me – I don't know if it's a spiritual presence – or my imagination – he'd been an athlete and his body was breaking own (knees, hips) from all the football, track and extreme sports back in the 70's when they didn't have the sports medicine they do now – I think he's probably at peace – so much more sadness going on in his life. But when you have had a close friend, and now they are gone – you have to think where are they? Are they here with me? I'm comforted by that…
Really beautiful and touching. Thank you.